But I'll manage to try and put them there.

Words I mean.

Rather....

no just words.

My dick...metaphorical of course,
Is one of the only things I think with.

A friend told me that once...

He said

"Schools, you gotta stop thinking with your dick. All these boys your after, your just thinking with your dick"

I'm a 4 going for 7's, 8's. and 9's.

It's just....I don't care about brains...and fuck that is pretty bad.

Ha, no ok I guess when it comes down to it that is a lie. I care about brains VERY MUCH SO.
When I am looking to DATE.

BUT if their brains match, their looks never do and vice-versa.
Ugh, I just, ugh man, ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I like want to get back in the saddle, giddy the fuck up, and so on and so forth.
But it's pretty damn hard when not one single boy ever is up to par with your standards.

And 90% of all the other boys were more or less a compromise.

And at this point I know what my brain needs to change to find a nice boy, a new person to attach my hip to.
-ooo I didn't even mean that sexually-
What the fuck, the last time I wrote I was trying things out with this kid Kevin. It was lame an internet fling sort of gayness.

ugh so fucking lame.

But he didn't match up you know.

Fuck me, how did Matt even wriggle his way in?

What other boys were there....

......

..........

OH!
KEVIN!

THE FIRST KEVIN.

SHIT
SHEEEEEEEEEEEEITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
THE MOMENT I SAW HIM. There was this thing...ugh god, not even so A+ in the looks department but the brains....the fucking brains on this kid.
It just killed me, and I knew it somehow.
This kid, he never talked,
HE. NEVER. TALKED.
He ate lunch with his headphones on next to Bill and ohh...uhm CHRIS!

Fuck and that was it to me.
Hook, line, and sinker.

He talked to me, and I'd skip class to hold his hand.
Ha, and when I think back to it that was basically the most we did for 6 and a half months and we only like EVER saw each other in school.

Ugh god but there was this quality.......
Ugh god, this stench of "I will teach you everything that you will ever like or love"
This kid made me who I am today.

Without him, this absolutely essential mastermind, I would be so much different.

Sonic Youth, Fugazi, The Smiths, Brand New, Mogwai, Circa Survive, shit shit shit SHIIITTTT

SO MUCH OF EVERYTHING

BOOKS MOVIES MUSIC ART ANYTHING THIS KID ASDFASDFKAMLAKWEJR ALSKDMFASDF

I miss the SHIT out of that kid.

Ugh god, let me end my ego heavy rant now.

Ugh why couldn't the tornado drop a cute and bright boy in my bed, one with incurable amnesia and no sense of self worth.

(they always stick around for longer)

Richie Tenenbaum: Read it back to me so far, Pietro.
Radio Operator: Dear Eli, I'm in the middle of the ocean, I haven't left my room in four days, I've never been more lonely in my life and I think I'm in love with Margot.
Richie Tenenbaum: New paragraph.

Lately I've just sort of been feeling

And you instinctively want every person to eradicate themselves from the planet.

Ugh not to whine

and not that I have a reason to.

But my blood is boiling

and I don't know why...

And I feel like I am about to flip the fuck out.

On no one, on nothing in particular, just because.

My brains are acting like fucking children and I am beating them telling them to calm the fuck down. Stay put, you're not my kids, you were the kids I was born with, you're making me fucking crazy.

I just wish everyone was dead. Except me, I want to live. Everyone else can please just kill themselves.

Or sleep. Like if everyone was in a coma I would be so happy. Because thinking about it critically I would probably feel terrible if everyone died.

the blood brothers

they help so much.